I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
