youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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