dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
