Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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