It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
