If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
