apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Let's get the cat blown out
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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