yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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