im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
