Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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