Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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