I'm so fucking centered right now
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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