um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
