ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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