we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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