I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
