He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
