You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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