wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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