Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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