garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
