they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
