don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
