I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize