The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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