im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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