We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
