I'm passing your future prison.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
