I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
