Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
