hotel room ftw
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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