did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
