If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
