all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
