Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
