1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
