i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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