Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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