You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
