I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
