no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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