doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
