mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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