I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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