I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize