she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
