just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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