need another drink. this is the easiest way
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
