Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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