walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
