just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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