it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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