If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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