dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize