Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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