toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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