This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
