I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
