I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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