And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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