he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just gift wrapped bread.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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