So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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