i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
