Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
