sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize