you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
