we have officially lost it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
