would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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