i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
