So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
