You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize