I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just had sex on a roof
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
