whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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