i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
