I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
