After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fuck appropriateness.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
