All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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