i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
