I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
