Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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