Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
