It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
