I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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