smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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