JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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