Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
