Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
