lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
