Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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