I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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