Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
