She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
