I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
