her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
