He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
