1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
