I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
