someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I look better un-naked...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
