Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
