oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize